POWER RANKINGS: Top 5/Bottom 3 ESPN Females

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We all know ESPN keeps a stable of Smokeshows on TV. It has become more and more prominent as the years have gone on. Here at Gritfathers we love all the Power Rankings they do just as much as the next guy. So I figured why not give you Power Rankings on my Top 5 ESPN smokes, and bottom 3 ladies. “Locker Room Talk” at its finest. This was tough but let’s get it!

 

 

FYI: I will apologize to no one!

 

 

5.   Michelle Beadle

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A true classic right here. Beadle is one of my all time favs and has been for a long time. She is the vet on this list and there is no shame in that. What makes Beadle so great is she is one of the few ladies that ACTUALLY knows what she is talking about on air. She speaks her mind and will ether anyone who gets in her way. Yeah there are rumors out there that she used to screw mass baseball and hockey players but I don’t give a shit! It’s just unfortunate I am terrible at both of those sports, but I can try to learn Michelle I can I promise!

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She doesn’t seem too impressed and that monkey is bringing WAYYY more to the table than me so I’m shit outta luck.

 

4. Kaylee Hartung

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Look I know Kaylee’s eye drifts like Paul Walker in those Fast & Furious movies but she is still bad! Kaylee busted onto the scene a few years ago covering college football and she now handles a lot of coverage of Alabama so she is on TV quite a bit. Her runaway eyeball must not bother anyone else either because she is all over ESPN along with being in Buick commercials so Kaylee is doing just fine for herself. Just fine indeed.

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“KAYLEE, BABY GIRL I’M OVER HERE!”

 

3. Britt McHenry

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McHenry has been an NFL reporter for ESPN for a few years now and is a total “mean girl” to the fullest. People forget she went all “Bitch I’m prettier than you and I’m on TV!” To some poor lady to get her car back from the tow lot.

Yea…she isn’t the nicest person but who really cares in the end? Mean hot girls always win in life, she was suspended from ESPN for like 3 days that’s how hot she is. Case closed.

 

2. Sam Ponder

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Previously known as Sam Steele (Perfect Porn Name). Sam has been on ESPN for quite a while as well, first being a sideline reporter for college football games and now playing a big part in College Gameday every Saturday. Sam is my #2 simply because she is just gorgeous, she would probably be my #1 if she didn’t marry that bum ass dude Christian Ponder and had a kid with him. You mean to tell me if I snuck into the NFL I could have pulled something like that?! It’s a shame I love food too much and lack drive and overall ability.

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If she is anything like her husband that ball won’t go past 10 yards and I’m 1,000% sure it was intercepted.

 

  1. Cari Champion

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Haters gonna hate but Cari is ungodly hot. After hosting “First Take” Cari became a primary anchor in the afternoons on ESPN so you know they see what I see. I don’t have anything funny or witty to say, Cari is just the Champion of my list (sorry that was awful). I’m not sure how she feels about overweight white guys but I think Comedian Artie Lange ruined it for me:

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Thanks for nothing GUY!

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SMH..Just legs for days!

 

BOTTOM 3:

 

Sarah Walsh

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This was tough. By no means am I calling Sarah ugly, she is just dealing with some really stiff competition. As I mentioned ESPN keeps a stable, and Sarah looks the part of a true noble steed with those giant grazers she is holding in her mouth. I like her, I just can’t keep my eyes off of those piano keys she calls teeth so she falls in my bottom 3. Sorry but not sorry Sarah.

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Who made this? This is awful.

Just great, now I’ll forever think she has horse teeth AND giant man feet. THANKS JERKS!

 

Rebecca Lobo

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Yes, Rebecca is a baller. She could probably still put up numbers and she is for sure crossing me up any day of the week but it doesn’t mean she doesn’t look like that wack job runaway bride from New Mexico with those crazy eyes!

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Yeah, you guys see it too.

Again when your dealing with all this talent you gotta bring it and if you come off man-ish at times and you could probably kick my ass, you’re at the bottom of the list.

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please don’t hurt me Ron, I mean Rebecca.

 

 

Ramona Shelburne

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This “Thing” is easily at the top of my list or bottom however you want to put it. Before I go any further let me say Shelburne is good at what she does, very good reporter and knows her shit. Plus she is a good friend of Beadle so you know she has to be pretty cool. That being said, Ramona is 100% a troll that lives under a cold, wet dark bridge. Every picture she is in she is wearing giant heels to hide her height and her arms are wayyyy too short for her body. When she wears jackets, they go past her hands making her look like she has stumpy little dwarf arms!

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I mean c’mon! Is it because she can’t find a jacket that fits those linebacker shoulders and that it has the appropriate length at the same time? I don’t know. You would think she could afford custom clothes but who really knows here. This was Ramona playing softball at Stanford:

Ramona Shelburne.

I don’t have to do research but I could bet my life she played catcher or first base. This is her now:

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Her neck is slowly eating her head. Someone help this poor woman please! On the other hand you can almost guarantee her mouth game is on point. 

 

All that being said, I’d still hit, all of them.

 

I’m an awful person I know…

 

 

 

 

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